SIX EXITS

As most of my east coast lovin' pals know today was an icy, snowy mess resulting in 50 car pileups and endless flight delays. I, fortunately, was not in a car. Instead I was stuck in the Providence airport biding my time until our massively delayed flight arrived. Since breakfast had come and gone about 5 hours earlier my stomach told me it was time to forage. Food choices were meager at best, basically consisting of two options..... Mexican or T.G.I. Fridays, neither of which are very veggie friendly. Anyway, I finally spotted something edible in the form of clam chowder (yes, I eat bivalves). I asked the cashier if the chowder was beef based and/or made with bacon. She replied no, that it was actually made with chicken. Come again? I glanced over at the flight attendant I was working with and we exchanged puzzled looks. "Chicken? Clam chowder with chicken??" I asked. She looked at me and said "Well it sure don't have any bacon and the things floatin' in there taste like chicken." Then she chomped down on her gum and shot me a look that said I will cut you if you dare disagree.

I walked away laughing at the sheer stupidity of the whole situation. And then my stomach punched my liver and told me to shut up and find some food already. Which I was unable to do because apparently everything has chicken in it. Who knew?

Who: All of America.
When: The last 20 seconds of the Super Bowl.
Why: Ummmmm.... hello?




Your welcome.

Today I was sick. I slept and slept and then (you guessed it) ate ice cream. What? You thought I was going to say that I slept some more? Okay, I did. During the Super Bowl to be exact. I fell asleep half way through the second quarter and woke up with 4 minutes left on the clock, which was precisely enough time to see Mr. Manning throw a steller pass to Plaxico in the end zone. Go Giants! We heart you!

Sidenote: Who the heck names there kid Plaxico? I can only guess that there was heavy drug usage involved.

*UPDATE. Sidenote numero dos: Apparently Plaxico was not involved in the "last pass". It was Tyree. I can only blame heavy drug use and the blinding desire to mock the name Plaxico for this confusion. Cold meds. Bah.*

Anyway, I have decided that I may have prophetic abilities because during the game I dreamt that Eli made a winning pass and the Giants won by a small margin. I won't go into the part where I may or may not have caught the ball and made out with the QB. Don't judge me, I was all hopped up on cold meds.

The moral of the story is: Never hide your natural talents! I will now be offering my athletic prophetic services (it even has a ring!) for baseball season. Win bets and look cool in front of your friends with my help!

Disclaimer: Services are $50 per game, extra for overtime. Must provide with proper napping facilities and cold medication. Results not guaranteed.

Thanks for being patient with me everyone. I've been in recovery/survival mode the past couple weeks and am just bouncing back now. As much fun as the holidays can be they totally wore me out. Basically I felt like a one legged man in a butt kickin contest. To top it off I had to go and burn myself yesterday. Remember when your mom used to tell you about five bajillion times "Don't touch the stove! Its HOT! It will BURRRRRN you!" Apparently I forget. So there I am standing in my kitchen taking my new creation (Apple Polenta Pie) out of the oven when I decide that, yes, I would like to dip my pointer finger in the melted 500 degree brown sugar. As I watch my finger plunge toward the oven I have one last thought that, um, maybe this is not the best idea. To late though, burning sugar has covered the whole end of my finger. I immediately popped the wounded appendage in my mouth and tried to suck the devil sugar off. The sugar was not coming off not matter how hard I sucked. WTF is going on? I look down to see that alas, the sugar is gone and I have also managed to rip off some of my already blistered skin. It was totally gross. Anyway, fast forward to today and I'm still soaking the sucker on ice. Do you know how hard it is not being able to use your pointer finger? Wowsa. I've had to develop this whole other method of typing which involves only using two of the fingers on my left hand. I wouldn't recommend it.


Enough about me. How was your holiday my fine Internet friends? Heres a pic gleaned from the chaos of ours..... Toodles!