SIX EXITS

I just got this letter in my email and had to share...

Hi Ashlie,

First, I love your sense of humor in your blog. Second, I noticed the doggie in the picture. I am moving to be based out of JFK after a four week training in Cincinnati. Probably going to do the crash pad thing. How realistic is it that I keep my dog? Darwin, the scruffy mutt that he is, has been all I have had post-Katrina and although I feel good placing him with the friends I have asked, I would rather he be with me. But I may be gone up to five days in a row I have been told. Not sure. Ugh, I am crying again about him. No wait, sorry. Those were tears of joy about getting out of this flooded city!

--
Tyson

Does anyone really pay attention to the verbage below signatures any more? I sure don't!

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Dear Tyson,

First off, congratulations on your new career! You are going to loooove being a flight attendant. And? Based out of JFK? How marvelous! There will be a million and one things to do instead of moping around your crashpad. I'm crossing my fingers that you find great roommates because the crashpad situation can be a *wee* bit rough sometimes. When I first started, I was based out of Los Angeles and lived in a twee apartment with 10 other ladies (and I use that word lightly). In two bedrooms. And one bath. If I had to imagine what hell looks like I would picture that apartment filled with these crazy, pms-ing, flight attendants. It was a miserable two months that ended in screaming matches and a list of 157 "rules" to abide by taped to the door. #66: You will only spend 10 minutes in the bathroom per day. Tops. Oh, the stories I could tell. And probably will someday, but right now this is about you. Moving on.

Okay. About Darwin. My heart breaks for you right now, because my dogs are my babies and I can't imagine what you're going through. But I have to be honest, and I'm sure you know where I'm headed. It is really difficult owning a pooch while flying, especially as a single flight attendant or someone who commutes. But I don't want to rule it out for you, 'cause I have seen it done. First, you need to have an excellent dog caretaker who can babysit Darwin at a moments notice. Since you will be on reserve for months/years starting out your life will be up in the air. It will be really hard for a while working with your schedule, lack of pay and juggling dog sitters but if that's what you want then I say you should do it! Life will settle down after a while and you and Darwin will be back to your old selves before you know it. Option #2 is that you find that "special" someone who's not in the airline industry pronto and have them move in. Make the third date the "Here's a key, please move in and watch my dog" date. If that doesn't freak 'em out then your home free!

Best 'O Luck,

Ashlie

p.s. Is p.s.'ing out of style? Gah. No one told me........

There's been enough doom and gloom for one week wouldn't you agree? That's why I decided to break out my trusty Q & A standby. We flight attendants are mysterious creatures and I'm here to demystify our dying breed... Literally. You notice how old some of us are getting? Geez people retire already and give me your seniority!!!

Hey Ashlie -

Thanks for reminding me it's Friday. It's been one of those LOOOOONG weeks. So ready for the weekend, cuz ... I'm going on vacation. Hooray! Maybe I'll wave to ya in the friendly skies!

Alright, more importantly, questions about your profession. My oh my. I used to travel with work, so I've seen some truly ugly stuff. I can only imagine what you witness, so here it goes...

1) Have you ever broken up a fight on-board between uncooperative fliers?
Not yet. Though we did have to call a customer service supervisor the other day because a little old lady threatened to punch the customer in front of her. She was a feisty one. I hope I'm still punching people when I'm 90! Not that I punch people now. Unless you work at Joannes Fabric in Towson. Then I may punch you because you are rude.

2) When there are empty seats in First Class, what can a super sweet gal do to move forward once the doors shut? If the flight is full and you're flying in a 300+ capacity plane you may be SOL. Your chances increase when flying on a smaller plane such as a 737. First, bring chocolate for the crew. This is key. Next, start chatting with them and perhaps let it slip that you're getting married soon, or pregnant or something as sweet as the chocolate you are bringing. If first class is empty(ish) they may move you up. Remember. The key is subtlety, sweetness and chocolate.

3) Other than sexual innuendos (obvious and otherwise), what are some of the worst comments people have made to you? A couple months ago some guy yelled "waitress!!!!" at me 7 rows away. He wasn't kidding. I'm pretty sure I've been called worse though. It kinda comes with the territory.

4) Disclose some anonymous dirt that fellow workers have shared with you during flights! Ohhh. This is a good one. And dangerous. We flight attendants call this "full jumpseat disclosure". Its the uncanny phenomenon of spilling your guts to a complete stranger. Here's a couple good ones.

~ And I'm quoting... "At least MY son didn't date a black girl. I don't know where you're from but we don't do that down South".... *this is me with my Yankee mouth hanging open*....

~ "Last night I got sooo wasted. I think I may have messed around with one of the pilots but I can't remember. It all started with skinny dipping in the pool. I'm sooo bad." *Me thinking: You're 50?!?! You're married?!?! Really?!?!*

5) Have you ever been working when a serious medical emergency takes place? Do tell! Nope. AND phew! I'm glad. The worst problems I've had was air-sickness and fainting. A couple weeks ago the plane we were waiting to take over was late because it had to divert to another airport. A man had a heart attack inflight and the crew performed CPR and used the AED. I'm not sure if he made it.... I'm glad nothing of that magnitude has happened yet, but let me tell you that if it does I'll be prepared.

6) Have you ever met anyone famous (or semi-famous) on your flights? Yes! Some are nice and some will be getting coal in their stockings this year. Here are a few: Paris and Nicky Hilton (not nice), Queen Latifah (not nice), Tom Skerrit (nice), CJ from Real World (eh? nice?), Peter Coyote (nice), Eddie Van Halen (nice), the producer of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman (nice. asked me out. said he could help me "make it" in LA. ya right), Elisha Dushku (not nice. cut in front of me at Starbucks later. booooo).

Alright, I could inundate you with a million more, but I'll leave it at six questions for Six Exits! :-)

Have a great weekend!

Nilsa

If you have any more questions for please email sixexits@hotmail.com. Toodles!!!

The lovely Tina has tagged moi with seven random things. Since I've already done one about myself, I thought that I would do seven randoms about being a flight attendant. Drumroll puleeze!!!!!

1. The rumors are true. Some flight attendants have a guy in every city OR due to the wonders of the Internet they can whip one up in 5 minutes on a ground stop in Philly. I know. Gross. The divorce rate in airlines crews is astronomical. Its pretty sad....


2. We hate it when you ring your flight attendant call button to hand us "emergency" trash or get you that pillow when we're doing our safety demo. If your flight attendant is doing a mad dash down the aisle or carrying 25 drinks just be patient for a couple of minutes and then signal us. We'll take care of it and not be super-annoyed. This will ensure you spit free drinks the rest of the flight. Just kidding. Kindof.
   


3. Unless you ate bad cheese in Mexico please do not get up when the seat belt sign is on. We are required by law to inform every passenger that "it is not safe to be up right now, the fasten seatbelt sign is still illuminated", after telling the 80th person this spiel we may not be wearing our happy face anymore. Not to mention that we don't want you falling on us when turbulence hit and poking us is the eye while simultaneously knocking out our contact lense. It's happened.


4. Airlines crews are drinkers! Just head to your nearest 3 star hotel by the airport and sit in the bar for a few minutes. The two older gentlemen semi-tacky clothing with the pretty twenty year olds and middle aged gay men are flight attendants and pilots and they can put your wildest college buddies to shame. With discounts such as 1-2-3 ($1 beer, $2 wine, $3 mixed drinks) some tend do be a bit wild. I, on the other hand, am mocked relentlessly when I order my one glass of wine and go to bed by 10pm. What can I say? I love my liver.


5. Flight attendants are extraordinarily vain. I've met more people (ladies AND men) who've had plastic surgery in the airlines then I did living in Los Angeles. I KNOW, weird right? Why is this? I have a few theories. One is that we are in the public eye alot, doing our little demo's, making speeches and sashaying up and down the aisle. The funny thing is that the passengers probably don't remember what their flight attendants looked like 10 minutes after they deplane. The second theory is the amount of magazines we read. I find a treasure trove of Intouch, People, InStyle, Cosmo, Glamour, Star and everything else under the sun after each flight. Ask me if J.Lo is having twins, Katie Holmes cut her hair or what Vogue says about wearing vests this season and I will know the answer off the top of my head. Its a sickness.
   
   
6. We love to complain and we're not picky about the topic. It could be the man in 7C who ordered five drinks, the temperature in Phoenix, the pilots, the other flight attendants, the hotel, the bed, the gym, the sandwich is Austin or our new uniforms. You name it and someones complained about it. Not to say that we have bad attitudes, be we just looove our complaining!
7. Flight attendants and their supervisors mix like oil and water. The damage done by a small number of fa supervisors has created a huge distrust among the two groups. A lot of people have told me that they avoid being in the same room as their supervisor. Of course, there are still the few with the constant brown smudge caked on their nose. The perpetual teachers pets...
   
   

*Disclaimer: I only have one guy in one city and (surprise!) I'm married to him. I do hate "emergency trash" but I'll never spit in your drink. It wasn't my contact that got knocked out. I drink about 4 times a month. I'm not the person to party with. I am vain. I will embrace botox later in life. I complain. I hate that I complain. My nose is definitely not brown. Not all of the opinions above reflect the personal beliefs of this blogger. So there.*

Once or twice a week I'm going to try to answer some of your questions about my job, myself or my incredible *ha* writing skills. Here's our first lucky contestant.

Hi,

I found your blog and have really enjoyed reading your past posts. I also majored in business in college and am considering a career change as I want do something other than work in a office for a period of time. I am single and work in a very male dominated office (waste management industry), so I have little opportunity to meet a potential girlfriend/wife at work. So, I was wondering if you might like to provide a bit of advice...Would you say a career as a male flight attendant is a good one for possibly meeting a potential wife? I would like my new career to be one where there is opportunity to meet and connect with others.

Thanks,

Steve

Dear Steve,

First off thanks so much for reading my blog! That brings the total up to 10, which is more than my mom so I'm pretty happy right now. Anyway, moving on to your question. First off, becoming a flight attendant was the best thing I've ever done. But? Its not for everyone. Before we dissect your question let me ask you a few things....

Do you thrive on routine or like your environment to be ever-changing? Do you mind spending 2-3+ nights a week in a hotel room? Do people get on your nerves easily? Do you mind missing holidays,birthdays etc, for a few years?

Lets tally up your score. Did you answer YES to spending the night in a hotel in Milwaukee on Thanksgiving and missing your iguana's birthday while working every other Wednesday and not killing the passengers when they yell at you? If so, than you too can be a flight attendant. Now lets move on to the meat of the issue. Finding your potential wife (to all those ladies out there looking for a good man BINGO we have one here!). Instead of rambling on, I'm going to make a pro/con list for you.

Pro's for becoming a f/a to meet your special someone

You get to meet a WHOLE lotta people in one day. One of my old roommates went on a date 5 nights in a row with different guys she met on the plane.

The flight attendant work force is predominately female. Single f/a woman can smell a straight male flight attendant a mile away.

You can take a lot of time off to be with your significant other and/or work your schedule around theirs.

Cons for becoming a f/a to meet your special
someone.

If you date a civilian (not a co-worker) it can be hard to start a new relationship when you're gone so many days in a row. Some days, because of my schedule, I only get to talk to my husband for 10 minutes the ENTIRE day.

How do I put this tactfully? Some female f/a's are looking for a "short-term" situation (like, 24 hrs), while others are looking for a $$$ situation (like, a pilot).

My friend Greg, who also blogs, wrote a great little article on being a male flight attendant. I'll let him sum it up:

Here are some boy stewardess facts...I will tell you that things are a little different for male flight attendants. Especially the straight ones. We are kinda like pirates in a way...because like the pirates of old...no one is really glad to see us when we show up.... We show up, and its sorta like.......oh, shit.....Case in point. First flight of the trip and the federal air marshals show up..I'm in the jetway by myself and they flash the creds and tell me that they brought some donuts "for the girls" ..they had a full box of krispy kremes ...I told them, you mean "the guys" ....the look was one of despair and pain....like i had hit each of them in the nuts with a horse shoe. With out missing a beat, i got a donut and ran on board to do my security sweep. Like I said, I love being me. .... .. I cant tell you over the years how many times i have seen forlorn look of a young first officer as he finds out that he is flying with me and not the cute blond he has been chatting with in the lobby, for the last half hour. A look is worth a thousand words. Same goes for male passengers, I'm always hearing " Where are all the cute girls today" I usually tell them "At home, in my bed" ....And just so you know we are all assumed gay until proven otherwise. I used to care about this, but i don't really give a crap anymore, mostly because I have three ex-girlfriends in the company, and everyone knows it. And I mean everyone....

Good luck with your decision Steve! If you have any more questions don't hesitate to ask....

Until next time,

Ashlie