SIX EXITS

We will return you to your regularly scheduled heart attack post later....

But right now I must tell you the reason why I'm wide awake at 3am. About half and hour ago Joel and I were awakened to a sound much like a garbage can being drug down our street. Our dead end street I might add. We popped out of bed and looked out our window. No garbage cans around, just one of our neighbors driving his truck. Joel mentioned that it looked like his truck was making those God awful noises. Huh. Not that interesting. So we went back to bed.

Five minutes later we jumped up again, this time we were greeted with about six police cars equipped with spotlights parked at various odd angles. Joel, being unaffected, or at least knowing that we would get the 12 hour run down from our neighbor who will chat your ear off went back to bed. I, on the other hand, stealthfully opened the window and layed on the radiator cover to get a better view. It was pretty obvious. I think a cop might of even waved at me once. Come to find out from a series of strung out cuss-words and angry neighbors, the guy three houses down from us (with the truck) managed to hit about ALL of our neighbors cars while careening down the road (drunk? high? texting while applying lip balm? who knows....). One of our neighbors truck had been hit so hard it ended up in the other neighbors lawn. Fortunately our one and ONLY vehicle was tucked safely in our driveway.

Our dogsitter, another neighbor who lives right next to truck man, swears that this guy is a drug dealer. She says he paid CASH for the house and only uses it once or twice a week and when he does come home he usually brings some random young girl. Odd, eh? I'm sure this is just AWESOME for our property value. I mean who wouldn't want to live on the street with a dealer who may or may not be running into your car on occasion?

So the cops are interrogating my dd (drug dealing) neighbor, while my other chatty neighbors are walking up and down the street with a flash light shaking their heads at the damage. It ended with the dd neighbor screaming, and I quote, "I've got RRRRRIGHTS mother fuckas! I've got a master degree in BUSINESS and I'm going to bring it! I'm going to give it to you right now fuckas!" as he was being loaded into the back of the police car. What was he planning on doing? Hitting the cops with his diploma? Explaining economics 201 until they wept and let him go?

Geez. You gotta love Baltimore.

1. 100 year old homes have very tiny bathrooms (and usually only one).
2. Paint WILL get on every surface of your body. Even on your stomach when you are wearing a tucked in shirt that has no paint on it. Riddle me that my pretties!
3. My husband is oh-so handy! He can cook clean and make pretty things with loud power tools.
4. Mice will take over the world one day. Starting with our home..... more on this later....
5. Two dollars and hour is not enough to put me in charge of a medical emergency.

I'm going to antique the vanity soon(ish). We are also replacing the toilet seat cover (I know, you are sooooo thrilled) and changing the faucet to the ever-popular "oiled bronze" finish we went with. Oh lala! On a surprise note we found hardwood under the vinyl flooring. It looks like its in pretty good condition as well. We'll see if we are brave enough to pull the whole thing up.

Well I was working on the bathroom, my brave and very talented husband was constructing two built-in bookcases for our living room. Lone and behold they are almost done! Here is the (close) to finished product. We still have to caulk and put one more layer of paint, hence the blue tape, but I think overall it looks verrrrryyyy nice! I am so impressed that I am now willing to buy Joel the woodworking tools of his dreams so he can build me all the furniture I want! Weeee!

Next topic. My work. Oh joy. I haven't been chronically my journey lately, but in all reality there hasn't been alot to say. Do you really want to know that the salads are delicious in Philly or that they changed the lotion scent in San Diego? No? Well good then. We are on the same page. On the other hand I've been working quite a bit recently. It seems like I go through these phases where I barely work in the summer (could be the fact that I'm married to a teacher) and then I freak out about mid winter and think WHY ARE WE SO BROKE?!?! Oh right, its because I've only worked 90 trips the last 4 months. Then I decide to work 140 and by the time I've reached 110 I want to curl up and die. * Here's a little flight attendant translation. 1 trip = 45 minutes * They key is to work smarter, not harder. We have the opportunity to pick up trips for time and a half 4 days a month so I'm trying to utilize that more. Lots of times I just get caught up in the dollar signs, this month I picked up $400+ in cash from other flight attendants. Where did the money go you ask? In the toilet. Or at least around the toilet in the form of pretty, pretty things.

Anyway. I have quite the story to tell you but I must get going. I'm flying to Oklahoma tonight. We stay right next to a bookstore so 5 of my 17 hour layover will be spent drinking Starbucks reading the latest and greatest. I do promise to write again tomorrow though. I have quite the story to tell (obviously since I've repeated this twice. gah.). A passenger had a heart-attack on my flight this week. I was flying in the "A" position (head honcho flight attendant) so I was in charge. I'm not sure if in charge is the right word but its all I got for now..... I'll fill you in when my head stops reeling.

Loves to all!

Last night as I was hugging the porcelain god in my bathroom I developed a girl crush. Let me back up a bit. We are remodeling our one and only bathroom and I was trying to paint behind the toilet with little success. Anyway, I was listening to this amazing podcast called Vegetarian Food for thought. After 5 or so hours of different topics I had developed a girl crush on Collen Patrick-Goudreau the founder of the Compassionate Cooks website and the voice (of reason, I might add) on the podcast. This podcast has opened my eyes to many misconceptions about the meat industry while providing awesome insight (and recipes!)to the practical aspects of the vegetarian lifestyle. Here's a couple things I learned yesterday....

• Beans are the best things ever. They have an amazing amount of protein in them and fiber (unlike animal products). They may be the perfect food. She also gave some great recipes for home-made hummus Quesadilla's. Yummers!
• "Milk makes your body strong!" is something we've been hearing for years. Calcium is the reason half of us drink milk. Um, here's the thing, the calcium in the milk comes from the cows eating grass. Calcium= grass/leafy green products. The sad part is that the cows nowadays are fed corn diets so the only calcium in the milk is through supplements! Here's the DUH moment. We could totally just buy the same supplements or just eat some leafy greens and get MORE calcium than a glass of milk without the extra fat and cholesterol. Its funny that the dairy industry never mentions that.....
  
• Lots of you hate veal right? Or at least the idea. Here's the crappy part, you don't have to actually buy veal to support it. Dairy cows only produce milk when pregnant so the farmers keeps them pregnant year round (NO JOKE). The male calves born are shipped off when they are days old to become veal. Sad right? I never knew that by drinking milk I was supporting this hideous process.... p.s. If you don't know what veal is please click here.
• You can reverse and/or eliminate heart disease (and lots of cancers!) just by eliminating meat from your diet. If you eliminate all animal products you will probably still be driving a car at the age of 100.
  

Anyway, now that I've hit month 6 of being a vegetarian I can't stop singing its praises! Here are a couple things I learned to love.....

• My blood test came back GREAT! She said my cholesterol was amazing and that I'm healthy as a horse. YEAH!
• I was 137 lb (fully clothed ya'll) on the Doc's scale last spring and this time I only weigh 129!!! A week after Christmas! Hows about them apples?
• I have begun to love to cook. Before I was perplexed/grossed out by raw meat and would spend all my time trying to roast/poach etc,. whereas now I'm coming up with some really fun and creative things and learning to think outside the box. Joel also seems to be enjoying it.
• I never get that nasty food coma feeling anymore (unless I gorge on chips & salsa from Chili's. With a presidents margarita on the side.) and I, um, how do I put this lightly? I'm very, very regular. With the porcelain god and all. TMI, I know.

I could go on but I really need to take a shower 'cause I smell and I have smatters of green and white paint covering my body. Its not pretty. I'm flying to SMF (Sacramento) tonight and don't get in until 2am! Gah. I'll show you some before/after pics of the once lemon and lime bathroom. Who does lemon and lime?

Till then,

Your very regular paint smattered flight attendant friend.

Alright guys, I'm putting this one to bed. Since I have no idea when/where this "issue" will resolve itself, I'm going to quit writing about it for now. I'm sure that I'll be let in on this shocking and exciting tidbit sooner or later, and then I'll pass it on. One day you'll be reading about my new hair color and my flight to Denver and the next BAM I'll hit you with the news that I was born with a third kidney. Until then, my dear internet friends, I will no longer be detailing my every B.F.F.S. move. Hope you understand, but the worry machine and I must move on to other issues. Like? Getting my blood drawn yesterday.

Have I ever told you that I'm the great fainting wonder and the last time I had my blood drawn (4 years ago) I passed out laying down on the table? It was a feat of nature I'm told. Anywho, this time I didn't pass out but I did manage to totally freak out Mrs. Blood Drawing Nurse and her two looky-loo trainees. I pulled a few acts from the Exorcist and almost managed to knock the vial(s!) of blood off the table with all my writhing. I'm pretty sure I was worse that a 3 year old. At least you can pin a 3 year old down and she probably won't have a panic attack. I, on the other hand, was a complete mess. I could feel myself slipping into shock/panic mode about 30 seconds in. I tried to meditate and get control of myself but looky-loo nurse #1 kept on telling me to open my eyes and look at the ceiling. After the second reprimand I promptly swiveled my head around three times and in my *best* possessed voice I growled "I AM MEDITATING." I may have puked green slime after that, I can't be sure. I perked up about 5 minutes later when they handed me some OJ and donuts. I was one Sesame Street band aid away from the complete toddler package. Gah. At least I've got another four years to contemplate next time. Until then? Blood, I'm asking you politely to stay in my body where you belong. Thank you. That is all.

Thanks for being patient with me everyone. I've been in recovery/survival mode the past couple weeks and am just bouncing back now. As much fun as the holidays can be they totally wore me out. Basically I felt like a one legged man in a butt kickin contest. To top it off I had to go and burn myself yesterday. Remember when your mom used to tell you about five bajillion times "Don't touch the stove! Its HOT! It will BURRRRRN you!" Apparently I forget. So there I am standing in my kitchen taking my new creation (Apple Polenta Pie) out of the oven when I decide that, yes, I would like to dip my pointer finger in the melted 500 degree brown sugar. As I watch my finger plunge toward the oven I have one last thought that, um, maybe this is not the best idea. To late though, burning sugar has covered the whole end of my finger. I immediately popped the wounded appendage in my mouth and tried to suck the devil sugar off. The sugar was not coming off not matter how hard I sucked. WTF is going on? I look down to see that alas, the sugar is gone and I have also managed to rip off some of my already blistered skin. It was totally gross. Anyway, fast forward to today and I'm still soaking the sucker on ice. Do you know how hard it is not being able to use your pointer finger? Wowsa. I've had to develop this whole other method of typing which involves only using two of the fingers on my left hand. I wouldn't recommend it.


Enough about me. How was your holiday my fine Internet friends? Heres a pic gleaned from the chaos of ours..... Toodles!

What a year, what a year. Although I'm no closer to finding out the B.F.F.S. (big fat family secret), I'm a lot closer to realizing that I, Ashlie, may be inching towards adulthood. Okay, more like staring down the barrel of a gun with "thirty" written all over it still feeling like the slightly pudgy seventh grader with an asymmetrical haircut before my piano recital. Those pictures have been burned. I could make some lofty resolutions like every year past (eat right, exercise regularly blah, blah, blah....),but instead I'm going to just reflect on 2007.

• Celebrated year two in Baltimore without getting shot, mugged or stabbed. Quite the accomplishment by any standard.
• Added what I am now referring to as a second "child" to our family. She is the sweetest fur ball in four counties. Friends and family with actual two legged children can now proceed with the "just you wait until you have a real baby" comments.
• Enjoyed a second year and a hefty raise working for blessedly profiting airline. Will be reaping the rewards of profit sharing any day now.... Have yet to suffer any major injuries flying except a bruised tailbone and equally bruised ego.
• Joel and I bravely exited the big door marked "honeymoon phase" (Phase #1) of our marriage. We then proceeded to kick and scream to be let back in with no success. Spent lazy, wonderful hours working on Phase #2 in the West Indies. Coconut ice cream and turquoise waters seemed to help smooth the transition.
• Decided that I could have won the Nobel prize while running a marathon and reciting Shakespeare in fluent French with all the hours I put into worrying about things that I can never do a gosh darn thing about. Ever. Resolution #1-50: Stop worrying you moron. That is all. Now repeat 49 more times.

Joel and I had our own private celebration this New Years Eve which was a pretty, um, great way to end 2007 and start 2008. This year may not be better, but it will be different. Good different? We'll see. For now I'll just cross my fingers, say my prayers and keep on a truckin'.....