So I consider myself a nice person, right? I open doors for people, smile at strangers and coo at babies quite frequently. In flight attendant training my nickname was "smiley" and I was the class clown in high school (aka, always getting in trouble for doing something stupid). Last year if someone was to ask me to describe myself in five words, one of them would have been nice or kind or some other adjective to describe the only slightly tarnished halo sitting pristine upon my golden locks (did I mention that I was also a smite sarcastic? No? Okay.). Anywho, the last couple of years I noticed a change. It started out gradual enough with a little outburst here or there and has snowballed into something much greater. At first I took pride on growing some cahones (finally) and sticking the heck up for myself, but now its morphed into something that tastes a little bit like shame.
I can pinpoint the first time it happened. Joel and I were shopping at Safeway in Los Angeles. We got up to the counter and the clerk started acting very snotty. Typically I would have just gone about my business and maybe of complained to Joel about it once we got back in the car. This time was different. I didn't yell at the man, but I was OVER THE TOP sarcastic and snotty. I remember Joel turning sharply and looking at me like I was an alien. It really was an uncharacteristic move for me. As I stomped out of the store groceries in hand I felt a slight sense of guilt which I quickly squashed as hunger and went on with my day. Over the next year situations like this popped up now and again I started feeling bit vindicated in my reactions, like I was stomping out all my "weakness". Let people run all over Ashlie? Ha! Friggity hahahaha double eye-roll plus a scathing remark haha. I was never going to be that girl who cried when someone flipped her the bird in the car again. I was tough.
...to be continued.... *stay tuned for the grand finale when Ashlie beats down a 70 year old man in the toothpaste aisle at Target!*
Seriously, this is EXACTLY what I have been noticing in myself lately.
I used to think I was naturally kind and compassionate, but in the last few years, it's changed. I have a hideous person inside me that keeps on acting like a complete WRETCH to people I don't even know, at times when I least expect it. And quite frequently, it's at the grocery store. What IS that?!
March 3, 2008 12:41 AM
I was a big pushover in grade school. My "best friend" pushed me around, and people just walked all over me. Stupid people-pleasing gene. I strapped on a pair by high school, and haven't looked back since. Every time I feel the people-pleasing munchkin trying to get out, I get the nearest heel and hammer it back down. I'm nice to people who are, but I don't feel guilty for being a complete bitch to people who deserve it. Or so I like to think.
March 3, 2008 1:28 AM
Holy crap lady, what's going on??? beating down an senior citizen? yeesh.
I think ur my hero!
March 3, 2008 7:27 AM
I like to call it FINDING YOUR INNER VOICE. You're learning to speak up - doesn't mean you're no longer nice - just means you're no longer a push-over!
March 3, 2008 8:19 AM
Disclaimer: This is a general observation. This has nothing to do with Ashlee, but now that she brought the subject up.
There is nothing more disgusting than the words "I am a nice person." How do you know you are a nice person? Did some committee do an evaluation? Did they give you a favorable rating? Does opening doors for others while cheating on your taxes deem one "nice"?
Does saying what you think behind someone's back and not to their face make you nice? Does lying to your best friend about how fat she actually looks in those jeans make you nice or does cluing her in before she walks out in public give you the Better Homes nice seal of approval?
Women are obsessed with being seen as nice and good, just ask our new friend, Lauren Cleri, her level of goodness just cost her $200K. Personally, I'd rather have the money. It is impossible to judge niceness, much less your own niceness. If you want to meet the meanest person alive, just listed for those 5 little words, "I am a nice person."
Oh, and I dedicate the above post to that awful woman in the Canton Safeway who I called every name in the book yesterday, she deserved it. Her stumbling apology to me afterward rang hollow. And no, I am the only one on the planet who will admit to being not a nice person.
March 3, 2008 8:56 AM
I've found myself doing this more and more lately as well. Maybe it's the transitioning into an adult thing? I'm not sure. But I kind of like it.
March 3, 2008 9:13 AM
Yeah, it's happened to me too. I've turned into a complete bitch at times when I least expected it too, and it's definitely increased with age... I think it's because I've realized, gradually, that I can get away with it. Or maybe it's a decline in customer service as a whole that has brought up this mass bitchiness? My husband has quite a bit of road rage, which I find completely irrational, but he has to tell me to stop when I start yelling at the lady at the rental car counter. I can't help it. She's an idiot and I have a very low tolerance threshold for idiots!
Really, I think I've just learned that we're all surrounded by idiots.
March 3, 2008 9:39 AM
i used to be the biggest pushover when i was younger. I still am to an extent but i'm more willing with certain people to speak my mind. Like the rude waitress or the rude store clerk. I am not afraid to tell them i think they're bad at their jobs...i don't even want to hear the excuse that customer service is hard work because it may be but its your damn job so do it right or don't do it at all. However, if people are pleasant to me...generally I'll reciprocate.
March 3, 2008 11:00 AM
I think it's all about finding a balance between politeness and standing up for yourself. I'm looking forward to hearing about the old man smack down! ;)
March 3, 2008 12:44 PM
Absolutely nothing wrong with sticking up for yourself. You know where the line is with you. And Target? Gaurenteed to bring out the crazies. Every. Single. Time.
March 3, 2008 3:43 PM
I'm kind of the opposite. Everyone thinks I'm violent and mean and sarcastic and aggressive and cynical and would never take crap from anybody, but I'm actually extremely nice and polite and most of the time a pushover. Of course I have my moments where I get angry, but everybody does. I think nice people do more and more mean things because not enough people appreciate their kindness, so it's a conscious or subconscious lashing out in a way. I'm looking forward to the toothpaste story. :o)
March 3, 2008 9:25 PM
It's all a choice now huh? Before it might have just been what you thought you had to do...now you do who you are. I think it's called maturing...but a 70 year old...yikes girly. I know your momma taught you better.
March 4, 2008 11:26 PM